The decision to confront an alcoholic is never an easy one to make. The most important thing is you should never attempt it when the alcoholic is currently under the influence of alcohol. The confrontation should be planned when he or she is sober. Confronting an alcoholic is sometimes called an intervention and must be carefully planned according to recommended expert guidelines, preferably those issued by a knowledgeable organization like Al-Anon which is the support group for family members of alcoholics. Also, prior to confronting an alcoholic, you should check with the person’s doctor or a specialist in treating alcoholic disorders to determine how to prepare yourself and any others who might be helping you to confront a drinker about whom you are concerned. We have listed nine tips that may be helpful in preparing for an intervention.
See what the experts advise by speaking with the Al-Anon association in your area. People there can provide useful resource information as well as advising you on how to plan the. If there is no Al-Anon available in your area try to make an appointment with a licensed therapist, counselor, or psychologist to discuss the problem and how to best approach it. While in general interventions have similar characteristics, each situation has unique circumstances and each individual has personal characteristics that make each intervention different.
It can be tempting to criticize the alcoholic for being intoxicated yet again when someone you care about comes home drunk. This does not help the situation as the drunk will usually tune out the criticism for the time being, or forget about it the next day, when sober, and thus be unable to do anything about it. It is vital to talk to the person when they are sober, and hopefully in a reasonable frame of mind to hear your concerns. If you find that no spontaneous opportunities occur, you can attempt to schedule a talk after dinner or at another time when the two of you can be uninterrupted.
Other relatives, close friends, or even members of Al-Anon that you may have met can by your supporters, as they may have been in comparable situations as you at some point. They may even decide to join you in confronting the alcoholic in your family. That decision can depend on you and the circumstances involving the person who drinks too much, as well as professional opinions about the situation.
You cannot be weak or indirect when confronting an alcoholic. You must use a matter-of-fact tone in your voice and simply state the cause and effect of the individual’s drinking. Use examples of the alcoholic’s troubled behaviors and the consequent results. Try to support your statements with dates, amounts of alcohol consumed, occurrences of negative behavior and even the amounts spent on drinking. It requires a lot of backbone to confront an alcoholic, so make sure to stand strong and firm. Stay calm and refer back to the facts should the alcoholic want to argue.
People often enable an alcoholic, allowing him or her to stay in that way by letting them sidestep responsibility and manipulate others to ignore his misdeeds or cover for him at work or in public. If you are one of the enablers the alcoholic may assume he can have his way again to get out of the intervention without making any changes. A huge part of an intervention’s potential for success is the family member who arranges it being able to change, too. A person who wants to help must not continue to enable the alcoholic to abuse alcohol. Stand your ground and most importantly, don’t let the alcoholic bully or wheedle you into giving up.
Coupled with confronting an alcoholic with the consequences of his behavior is the need for a plan of recovery. If you are working with Alcoholics Anonymous or Al-Anon, they can help you with making arrangements for a problem drinker to enter a rehabilitation program, either onsite at a facility for this purpose, or as an outpatient in a local clinic or support group. In some cases, a halfway house might be an appropriate alternative. Find out ahead of time if a particular detoxification program will accept the problem drinker you are working with, and make preliminary arrangements for the person to be admitted immediately following the intervention. Make it clear that you cannot guarantee the drinker will enroll, much less stay with the program, unless he accepts the program as part of his new life of abstaining from drink.
Should the alcoholic agree to go enter rehab, family members should try to offer support and encouragement throughout the detoxification phase and rehabilitation program. This should involve patient and family education as well and can last anywhere between several days to several months. Many programs last 28 days or less, due to people’s job and family responsibilities, and some of the rehabilitators can carry on as a non-resident while continuing career and household duties. No matter how the program is designed, love, acceptance, and willingness to support changes in lifestyle speak volumes toward helping the alcoholic become successful in rehabilitation.
Remember that family members living with an alcoholic must be willing to take responsibility for their own behaviors and make necessary changes themselves. Adjustments might consist of refusing to cover for an alcoholic’s incapability to go to work by reporting him absent, paying bills that the drinker should pay when he has spent his paycheck for alcoholic drinks, and letting the alcoholic mistreat or intimidate the family by acts of thoughtlessness or hostility. Sobriety can many times make life harder for the drinker and his family while everyone adjusts to new rules and learns how to follow through consistently. Some ex-drinkers can be ill- tempered, challenging, and irritable, while others might act guilty, humiliated, or remorseful.
Results may not appear automatically after confronting an alcoholic. The drinker may fluctuate between being in favor to rehab and resisting it, or he may enter rehab but leave early or relapse after finishing the program. Unfortunately, there is no guaranteed. After confronting an alcoholic, all you can do is maintain your points and wait for the drinker’s reaction. That alone will decide the conclusion of your intervention. If the drinker chooses not to pursue treatment or it proves ineffective, the family should continue to receive counseling and support as they make decisions about the future.
One of the hardest things to do is live with an alcoholic. Uncontrolled drinking creates problems that affect family members and friends for years. It is often difficult for relatives to disassociate themselves from the alcoholic and establish effective boundaries between his behavior and theirs to avoid unhealthy enmeshment. However, with education, professional support, and courageous beliefs, family members can learn to practice tough love when confronting an alcoholic to give that person a fair shot at recovery. An intervention may be the first step toward acknowledging a problem and doing something about it that can make a positive difference in the lives of a problem drinker and his loved ones.
